Wednesday, December 28, 2011

About Me

Well I let you ladies (I’m assuming most of you are ladies) decide what my next post should be, and you chose yours truly. This is also a perfect chance to introduce myself to visitors from Beauty By Krystal.

How old are you? I am going to turn 22 on January 3rd.

What do you do? I work as a caregiver, and I’m an accounting student, although I’m considering going to cosmetology school.

What do you do in your spare time? I read, write, watch TV, Google random beauty topics and videos on YouTube, and any random hobby that catches my interest.

Have you really made a Café Mocha Vodka Valium Latte? Not yet.

What was the last beauty item you purchased? Some Ardell “Holiday Cheers” lashes. They’re really long and covered in rhinestone sparkles. I have no idea where I will ever wear these, but they were 50% off, so I couldn’t resist.

Have you accomplished any of your Beauty Resolutions? Slowly but surely I’m working on it! I’ve already found my signature scent! Read the full article here. . .

Why does your blog only have one beauty related article? I started this blog just to chronicle my petite hot mess self. It’s kind of like an online diary where I can talk about my crazy thoughts and hopefully entertain some of you. While I love anything hair, makeup and skincare related, I don’t want to feel trapped into one particular blog niche.

Are you really planning for the Zombie Apocalypse? Hell yeah I am! I think everyone has their own feeling about the end of the world, and I choose zombies. Even with all the planning in the world though, I still don’t think I’m ready!

What is the meaning behind “Lunacy and Best Wishes?” I wish I had a good answer for you! After a couple of shots, I let the vodka tell me what it wanted!

Thank you everyone for your e-mails! Any more questions, feel free to ask me. If you’re visiting from another blog, have a look around and comment/share/whatever!
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Monday, December 26, 2011

Happy Holidays!

I’ve been relaxing this holiday season and I hope you are doing the same. By “relaxing”, I mean drinking lots of hot chocolate with Baileys and hazelnut liquor. I’m trying to get into the swing of blogging again but I have been “relaxing” quite a bit!

If anyone has any requests or random questions to ask, feel free to drop me an e mail at
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Thursday, December 22, 2011

"I'm Canadian"

I’m not actually Canadian. I’m half British, but that doesn’t really count. I went to Vancouver once on a day trip. I even briefly dated a hockey playing guy from a place that I can’t even spell. . . No wait, I just crossed the border into Creepy Town and looked him up on FB. I can totally spell Alberta.

Back to the point. Lately outside of the major stores in the area, are a bunch of guys asking to sign a petition. I don’t want to sign anything. Signing a lease on an apartment was difficult for me, so something that could turn into a law and possibly affect millions of people, not cool. If it was a petition for rescuing puppies and kittens, I would sign. But it wasn’t.

I also had a problem with the main guy in charge of the whole petition thing. Ladies, as you know, if you don’t look like a lagoon creature, and know how to brush your hair and put on some Chapstick, you will attract some male attention. When a man checks you out from top to bottom, and is quite obvious about it, it is called the “glad eye”.

I did not want the glad eye from this man. The only way I can describe his appearance and demeanor is if Kenny Loggins and Gollum from Lord of the Rings had a gruesome love child. I try not to judge people, but this guy gave me the heebie jeebies.

So anyways, in order not to talk to this creepy man about whatever that petition was, I just said, “I’m Canadian. I can’t vote here.” I got this idea from my Dad. He plays hockey and always wears this Montreal Canadians sweatshirt.

This creepy man didn’t believe me though. I told him that I won’t become an American citizen because Canada has universal healthcare, a lower drinking age, and that Sidney Crosby is the cutest thing to come out of Nova Scotia. I’m not sure if any of those things are true. . .but hey it worked.
So thank you Dad for the superb lie you told, and thank you Canada for inventing one of my favorite sports.
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Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Do I Have A Soul?

Who started the trend about redheads/gingers having no soul? I’m curious because I have a question to ask them.

I didn’t think about this until just today, but my Grandmother was a ginger. She dyed her hair blonde most of her life, but she had a mane that rivaled Carrot Top’s…Okay I feel bad comparing her to Carrot Top, I’ll say Christina Hendricks instead, even though CH isn’t a real readhead.

So since my Grandma Francess had the same color hair as Christina Hendricks, does that mean that I only have 75% of a soul?

Will this explain all my questionable decisions? Will this explain my wacky state of mind? Is 25% of me just some hollow vessel? What is going to happen to me when I die? Dammit these are serious questions and I demand some answers!
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Sunday, December 18, 2011

World War Z

I’m pretty convinced that, hopefully not in my lifetime, the Zombie Apocalypse will happen. I’ve studied The Zombie Survival Guide to know how to survive. I’ve also read World War Z and know the devastating physical, emotional, and environmental effects of said war. (I also wrote a badass English essay about those effects as well!)

Without Max Brooks’ words of wisdom and common sense, I would be hopeless.

But anyways back to my random thought of the day. . .I live on a ground floor apartment, if Resident Evil: Real Life should occur, I would be a goner.

In every room of my apartment, with the exception of one bathroom, there is a window. How in the hell am I supposed to defend myself?! I can’t have zombies climbing down into my bedroom window while another swarm of the undead breaks through my sliding glass door in the living room. I could barricade myself in, but since zombies have unlimited stamina, it would only be a matter of time before the undead would feast upon my slightly alcoholic flesh.

In my studies of the Zombie Apocalypse, it is critical to have a plan b, and plan c, and et cetera. My newest plan is to keep watching the news keeping an ear out for the keywords like, “cannibalism” or anything, “highly contagious”. Hopefully I will have a head start and make my way to the nearest marina. From there I shall find a sailboat and prepare for the incoming war.

Is my planning for a ridiculous, hypothetical event absolutely crazy? Yes indeed it is. But it doesn’t hurt to be prepared.
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Friday, December 16, 2011

Things I Love During The Holidays

-A tall glass of hot chocolate.

-A tall glass of hot chocolate with peppermint schnapps.

-Watching Shemar Moore on Criminal Minds and calling him a tall glass of hot chocolate ;)

-Christmas episodes of my favorite television shows.

-Watching The Nightmare Before Christmas . . . for about the 100th time.

-My 3 foot Christmas tree with lights so bright I think you could see it from outer space.

-Making a batch of cookies for myself. . . I mean “Santa” ;)

-It’s the only time of the year I can wear green eye shadow and red lipstick at the same time and not look ridiculous.

-Making snow angels and wondering why in the hell they never look how they’re supposed to.

-Driving around the suburbs at night and looking at the houses with the most badass set of Christmas lights.

-Gingerbread scented candles.

-Flirting with the handsome Marines outside of the store collecting toys for tots.

-Donating a toy because every child deserves presents to open on Christmas morning.

- Singlehandedly eating all the candy canes before I even get a chance to put them on the tree.

-Secretly laughing at news stories about drunk Santa’s getting into altercations with the police. . .especially if there is a taser involved.

-Always forgetting batteries for kids toys. Every. Single. Year.

-Getting tipsy at office parties.

-Hoping that I don’t get stuck under a mistletoe with someone who looks like Uncle Fester from the Addams Family.

-Wondering if someone’s grandma really has actually gotten ran over by a reindeer walking home on Christmas Eve. I’m (kind of) sorry your horrible accident has turned into a catchy holiday song.

-Conducting the search for the ultimate tacky Christmas sweater.

-Should any family members read this, Sephora gift cards ;)

What are your favorite things about the holidays? Feel free to comment or send me an e-mail.
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Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Santa Baby

I cringe every time I’m forced to hear this song, particularly the Taylor Swift version.

I cannot be the only person completely creeped out by this. I’ll explain. . . let us all pretend for a moment that Santa is actually a real person.

Now the tone of this song is rather seductive, and in the lyrics, the singer is asking for presents. Are you asking Santa to be your sugar daddy?! C’mon you can do better than that! This guy sees you when you’re sleeping, knows when you get up in the morning, and knows when you’re naughty. I think that crosses some boundaries. On top of that, he breaks into your house while you’re asleep and expects food. Not to mention he’s an elderly obese man with a wife at home. He’s also flying to cities all over the world completely unnoticed at night, is he a drug smuggler or something? Are those elves really making toys, or is “toys” a code name for crystal meth?

Do any of you have similar feelings or am I a little bit crazier than what I think I am?
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Tuesday, December 13, 2011

I’m Sorry You’re Not Feeling Well

Word on the internet is that a lot of people I know haven’t been feeling so well lately. Although I can’t bring you homemade chicken noodle soup or drug you with copious amounts of Nyquil, I can do one thing. . . and that’s make you smile :D

Don’t you dare tell me that you’re not smiling right now! This picture just gives you that warm fuzzy feeling inside (Unless you are really sick and should probably see a doctor). Miss Piggy, Piglet, Piggly Wiggly, Babe, Wilbur, Bacon Bits, Evil Doctor Pork Chop, or whatever decide to name it, you can’t deny how precious this picture is.

If you’re not smiling right now you are either, 1. Having a really bad day. Or 2. You’re just a horrible person without a soul.

This picture is so adorable, I’m considering never having a BLT or ham sandwich ever again. That’s pretty substantial considering I consider bacon a food group.

So if you’re having a bad day, I hope this made you feel at least a little bit better. And please share with your friends because this picture is just too darn cute to keep all to yourself.
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Sunday, December 11, 2011

A Beauty Article for You

It’s probably kind of weird clicking onto my blog from a beauty website, and I have yet to post anything beauty related! Well here it goes. . .

I received an e-mail from someone asking advice about how to prevent razor burn. This used to be a big problem for me so I’ve got just the answer for you.

My cure for razor burn came from the most unlikely, yet absolutely perfect sources. . . Their names were Barbie and Mercedes. . . exotic dancers paying their way through college.

1. Exfoliate. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy dancy. I just use apricot scrub and a washcloth.

2. Barbie said, “Don’t use shaving cream, use hair conditioner.” I thought this was weird, but it actually works better. Again, I don’t use anything expensive; just the cheapest brand at the grocery store.

3. Use a new(ish) razor and shave in the direction of the hair growth, then against the hair growth, then from side to side. Also it’s important to take your time.

4. After you get out of the shower, use unscented lotion that is made for sensitive skin on your legs. For underarms and your bikini area, Barbie said that deodorant works the best. Yeah I thought that was weird too, using deodorant your nether regions, but apparently this is a common trick among strippers that they swear by.

If you still have razor burn, Bikini Zone cream was recommended by Mercedes. In extreme cases, although it burns like a motherfucker, Mercedes also recommends rubbing alcohol mixed with water in a spray bottle. I personally have never tried this, but I figure it’s worth a try.

So I thought being dragged out to the titty bar would be a horrible experience, but in reality, it wasn’t that bad. I actually got some wonderful hair, makeup, and skincare tips. I also find it ironic that out of the group of guys I was with, I got all the attention ;) It still makes me chuckle.
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Friday, December 9, 2011

Make Your Own Damn Sandwich!

Random thought of the day: why do guys still say, “Make me a sandwich!”? At first when my guy friends would say it, I got a kick out of it. It was funny watching my friends try to act like chauvinistic pigs. But then one day my man at the time said this to me. . . and he was serious. He had 2 hands and half a brain, so why couldn’t he make his own sandwich?!

So why do guys still say this? After thinking for a while, I’ve come up with the conclusion that us ladies just don’t have a snappy comeback. Until now. . .

-Play dumb: “How? I don’t get it. What’s a sandwich?”

-Put him in his place: “I make more money than you, I’m the breadwinner, make ME a fucking sandwich! Get back in the kitchen.”

-Promise the impossible: “I’ll make you a sandwich when the Ryan Trifecta is no longer gorgeous.” (The Ryan Trifecta consists of Gosling, Reynolds, and Phillippe.)

-Speaking of Ryan Gosling: “I’ll make you a sandwich if you watch The Notebook with me WITHOUT complaining.”

-Bash my local sports team: “I’ll make you a sandwich when the Seattle Mariners win the World Series.” (Hint: They NEVER will.)

-For the commitment-phobe: “I’ll make you a sandwich when you make me an honest woman.” (Tip: Pick up some bridal magazines, and any wedding related movie (The Wedding Singer, Runaway Bride, Mama Mia, My Big Fat Greek Wedding, Bride Wars, The Proposal, License to Wed, Made of Honor, Father of the Bride, 27 Dresses, Sweet Home Alabama, The Wedding Planner, My Best Friend’s Wedding, Wedding Crashers, etc.))

-Insult his manhood: “I’ll make you a foot long when you grow a foot long.”

-Insult his manhood again: “I’ll make you a sandwich when you can give me a real orgasm.”

-And once again, promise the impossible: “I’ll make you a sandwich right now if you can name every winner of America’s Next Top Model without cheating.” (And in case you’re wondering: Adrianne, Yoanna, Eva, Naima, Nicole L, Danielle, CariDee, Jaslene, Saleisha, Whitney, McKey, Teyona, Nicole F, Krista, Ann, Brittani, and Lisa.)

So ladies, if you’re having this problem like, me I hope this helps you out. And if you have any tips of your own, please share!
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Thursday, December 8, 2011

Hello My 1000+ Readers (& my 2 subscribers)!

First off, whether you’re visiting from Divorced Before 30 or from The Beauty Department, thanks for stopping by! My modest blog had about 5 views this time last week so right now I have an over inflated ego. This is what Kanye West must feel like all the time! I’m extremely giddy right now (it probably doesn’t help that I just drank about half a gallon of tea).

Anyways, my love of everything beauty related started when I was 5 when my parents got me this little pink plastic vanity complete with Mary Kay samples. Screw going to a candy store, I wanted to go to Sephora. From there it just evolved into one of my favorite hobbies.

I’m also a self-described “hot mess.” So expect some absolutely random, out of the blue posts.

Again, thank you lovelies for visiting, I hope you visit again and again, and again. . .! :)

Feel free to comment, bookmark, and share on Facebook and/or Twitter. You can also send me questions and requests at

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Wednesday, December 7, 2011

I Should Have A PhD in Procrastination

I definitely feel like a hot mess today. I’m buried by a mountain of math homework (my least favorite subject) and have somehow found myself lost on the internet.

I blame this picture for my wondering mind. . .

Why am I thinking about ordering a Café-Mocha-Vodka-Valium-Latte?! Would vodka actually work or should I use Bailey’s instead? Can I have caramel too? Will Valium affect the taste? Will this combination make the indie music (that I pretend to not like) inside the local coffee shop tolerable? What is the apprioate alcohol to Valium ratio? Can I grind up the Valium and sprinkle it on top like powdered sugar? How much will this cost? I can’t be like those “coffee addicts” who drops $300 a month on coffee (And yes I’ve met plenty of Seattle women who do this). And most importantly, how much can I drink before a hospital trip is needed? I have no insurance of any kind, so that would be bad.

The next thing I know, I’m praying to Vodka. Are you there Vodka? It’s me Gigi. How come you listen to Chelsea Handler and ignore me? She got a deal with Velvedere that is not fair! All I want is a job at the local liquor store so I can sell your sweet, wonderful, delicious nectar so others can bask in your goodness. If you don’t answer soon, I’ll have to switch to Scotch. Don’t think I won’t do it! I’ll drink it in the most obnoxious manner too, a la Ron Burgandy. I love Scotch, Scotchy Scotch Scotch. Here it goes down, down into my belly mmm mmm mmm.

Now I’m flipping between watching beauty tutorials on YouTube, writing about this blog, and wondering what the hell is on television tonight.

So much for being a productive member of society. Oh well, there’s always tomorrow :D
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Friday, December 2, 2011

I Believe in Unicorns, Fairies, Good Men, and Other Fantasy Creatures.

My advice for coping with a breakup:

1. Take some time to cry. Not during happy hour or at work! Go home, grab yourself some tissues and just get it out of your system.

2. DON’T: call, text, e-mail, instant message, write on his Facebook wall, tell someone to talk to him for you, put a message inside a bottle and throw it into the ocean, use a carrier pigeon, or contact him in any way, shape, or form.

3. Put on your comfy sweat pants, take out a gallon of ice cream, and commence the best movie marathon EVER!

4. Look up videos of cute puppies and kittens on YouTube. Trust me it works!

5. Trash talk over margaritas with your girlfriends.

6. Buy yourself those stilettos you’ve been wanting for forever but never bought them because you didn’t want to be taller than him.

7. Thank yourself for having enough common sense not to get his name tattooed on you. And use that common sense when you visit the beauty salon for your mandatory post-breakup makeover. Highlights are okay… shaving your head Britney Spears style, NOT OKAY!

8. Shamelessly flirt with that coffee shop guy/bartender/random guy in the grocery store just because you can.

9. Delete all the pictures of you together and take some sexy pics just for yourself. Also, burn all those actual pictures you have together, along with anything else that he left. If luck is on your side, some sexy firefighters might show up.

10. Buy YOURSELF some diamond jewelry.

11. Do that one thing you’ve always wanted to try but never had the guts to.

12. Look in the mirror and tell yourself that you love yourself. . .flaws and all.

13. Take time to get to know yourself as a person. Take a class, travel the world, or whatever floats your boat. Who are you? What do you stand for? Don’t let a man define who you are.

14. Avoid any retaliation that could land you in jail. I’ve watched enough Discovery Channel tell that jail is not a fun place to be.

15. Laugh at snarky breakup quotes that make your day just that much better.

“I still miss my ex, but it's more fun watching him duck and run!”
“I ran into my EX the other day, so I put the car in reverse and hit him again.”
“Why don't you slip into something more comfortable like a coma?”
“My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil”
“I got the ring, he got the finger.”
"I just broke up with someone and the last thing he said to me was “You’ll never find anyone like me again!” I’m thinking, “I should hope not! If I don’t like you, why would I want someone like you."
"Only time can heal your broken heart, just as time can heal his broken arms and legs." ~ Miss Piggy

16. Don’t hold on to the assumption that you might get back together in the future. It’s time to move on honey!

17. Know that there are millions of eligible men out there in the world. YOU WILL FIND SOMEONE NEW!

18. For the love of God DO NOT go to any engagement parties, bridal showers, weddings or similar function (especially if there is an open bar).

19. Tell your ex the truth about how many orgasms you faked.

20. And finally, pat yourself on the back for having a relationship that lasted longer than Kim Kardashian’s 72 day publicity stunt. . . I mean marriage.
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